If the Word Useless Were a Concept Vehicle…

Photo From Hyundai

It’s a known fact that the more rich you are, the more eccentric you are allowed to be in the eyes of society. As such, if you are a multi-billion dollar corporation, as a collective entity you’re allowed to be pretty damn unconventional from time to time, so long as that bottom line is in the black.

I mention this since the rationale “because we can” seems to be the only reason behind Hyundai’s recent one person transportation vehicle prototype.

They call it the E4U, and it’s designed for…you know I’m really not sure. I can tell you it can move in any direction, but only in an omni-directional manner, thanks to its kickstand style wheel substitutes. Also it’s apparently not much faster than the average pedestrian, which is really for the best considering the view of one of these rocketing towards you is probably a declaration of war somehow.

Unveiled at the Seoul  motorshow, details about this transport device are few, including if it will ever see release and what combination of hallucinogens and uppers were taken that allowed the E4U to be conceptualized and produced, without killing everyone involved.

Since we know so little about it, I have a few personal questions that need answering:

  • Why is its brow furrowed? Has it anticipated our mockery and is displeased?
  • Are there any features that prevent neighborhood kids from pushing it over, or turning it in the opposite direction, besides their inability to stop laughing?
  • Can Hyundai build the Death Star they got the rider’s helmets from instead?
  • Is its inability to be operated by the obese intentional, or just a gross marketing oversight?
  • Finally, in a pinch, can I duck into this thing to shield myself from Mega Man’s blasts?
  

Building the Ultimate Man’s Kitchen

One of my favorite of the ’90s prime time sitcoms will always be “Home Improvement.”

In retrospect, this is most likely because it introduced most of the world to Pamela Anderson and Debbie Dunning (more than you can say for even “The Wire”), but it also had some memorable gags, a host of hilarious characters, and some truly standout episodes, including the infamous introduction of the man’s kitchen.

The first in a string of episodes where a common room is redesigned and “man-ified,” the man’s kitchen took the misogynist idea that the kitchen is only for women and presented one that was instead an almost cartoonish playground for the average man.

While absurd, with the gadget explosion that has occurred since, there are now enough devices available to truly craft a man’s kitchen. Some of these accessories are absurd and lavish, while others are common and accessible. But when combined, they create the ultimate real life man’s kitchen.

Grand Palais 180 Stove

Let’s start with the impossible shall we?

Your oven/stovetop is going to be the most important part of any kitchen, and if you really want something that will show off that idea, you need the king of all home ovens. Resembling a train car more than a stove, the Grand Palais wouldn’t be out of place in the home of an old world ruler or even steampunk baron. With its built in gas and electric ovens, as well as a variety of different stovetop grill and burner options, it also happens to work perfectly as the centerpiece of the man’s kitchen.

Sure they run around the $46,000 range depending on enhancements , but dammit we can do this thing cheap, or we can do it right.

Hot Dog Toaster

Of course it’s not all ovens worthy of the 1%, as some parts of the man’s kitchen are just down to earth essentials.

Since nothing is more essential than the need for a hotdog, instead of wasting your time with the stovetop or microwave methods, why not make the perfectly cooked hot dog and bun, as easy as you make a piece of toast? It’s possible with the pop-up hot dog toaster, which cooks hot dogs of your chosen consistency in mere minutes with the ease of the average toaster. It’s even got compartments enough for two hot dogs and buns and the design goes well with that $46,000 oven.

A steal at $19.99, this one even got the Barney Stinson seal of approval.

Crème Brule Torch

It’s the eternal question man has asked since the dawn of the caveman.

How can I use more fire doing this?

In the kitchen, the answer is simple thanks to the standard crème brule torch. Ideally used to brown that famous tricky desert, considering it’s nothing more than a small scale blow torch, feel free to use it to make anything where direct heat is required (like melting cheese over nachos) twice as bad ass, and ten times as manly.

Read the rest of this entry »

  

Start Turning Your Home into a James Bond Villian’s Lair with the Burglar Blaster

Anyone who has seen “Home Alone” (which is hopefully everyone) knows that when it comes to home security, the one undisputed assurance for safety is a series of well implemented traps leading to hilarious punishments for the armed thugs now in your life.

To begin constructing your own dominion of doom then, consider purchasing the Burglar Blaster.

Working off of an infrared sensor, when the Burglar Blaster is set, it detects movement and fires off four ounces of pepper spray guaranteed to cause some serious second thoughts to anyone in the remote vicinity(coverage is up to 2000 square feet). It also comes equipped with a timer that can be set up to 40 seconds, presumably so you can allow the burglar to momentarily relish in the acquisition of some perfect loot, before they’re met with a spray of burning aerosol to the face.

Reloadable, easy to install, and battery operated, the only alarm systems more ballsy would have to be some sort of elaborate swinging ax contraption, a trap door to a Rancor pit, your own bare fists, or perhaps the upgrade to the Blaster’s regular model (the Decintegrator) which holds up to 4 pepper spray cans and covers twice the space.

Sure it’s dangerous and impractical, but can you really put a price on your family’s (potentially humorous) safety?

Yes actually. The standard model runs $595.00, while the less discreet Decintegrator retails for $495.00.

Well worth it for your home to be affectionately known in the criminal underworld as the house of pain.

  

The Mico Headphones Want Your Subconcious to be the DJ

How comfortable are you letting technology into your life?

A company called Neurowear is hoping many of you answered “very,” as they get set to roll out a unique pair of headphones designed to read your brainwaves and pick the music that matches your mood.

Using what is called electroencephalography sensors, the “Mico” headphones detect your subconscious and works with its native app to select the track based on your evolving mood and feelings. The headphones even indicate your general outlook through a visual setup built into the sides.

The goal of the Mico is to create what the developers are calling “Music Serendipity,” where you never have to consciously decide on, or physically choose, your music, but can rather sit back and enjoy the perfect playlist, as chosen by your brain.

Debuting to the public at SXSW this year, details on the release timeframe and pricing are scarce. Further questions abound regarding the variety of the music selections, or how your personal music can be integrated, among other functionality queries.

While apps like Moodagent have been performing this same function for years, the idea of it being incorporated into a piece of hardware is somewhat more original. If the user is able to work off a diverse playlist, the pricing and sound quality of the set is right, and the program accomplishes the majority of its promises, then this headset might just be more than an intriguing idea.

  

Could the Mycestro Conduct a New Age For the Wireless Mouse?

I’ve never had a problem with the traditional wireless mouse. It’s comfortable, accurate, reliable, installs without hassle, and are generally cheap. There’s never really been a reason to question or dream of an alternative, until they perfect motion systems that is.

It appears there is an alternative in the meantime though, and it is more intriguing than I would have thought.

Called the Mycestro, it’s billed as a 3D mouse and is currently rocketing past the asking goals on Kickstarter. It’s a bluetooth enabled finger clip-on and serves as a lightweight micro sized mouse substitute, that functions off of a touch sensitive panel built into the side. Sliding your finger up and down the panel allows for the traditional scroll movements, while pressure sensitive areas serve as the right, left, and middle click. There’s an eight hour plus battery life, USB charging port, and impressive functionality range of 30 feet.

The benefits of the Mycestro mostly seem to stem from its incredibly small size which ensures its functionality in even the most cramped and awkward of set ups, and also it’s minimal movement for maximum results design style. As also demonstrated by the video, it is particularly ideal for a PC to TV set up, or even instances like manipulating your computer from a distance, while say in the kitchen or on the phone.

I’m less convinced though about its practicality at more complex movement required games like first person shooters and, though this is addressed directly, I still believe it would at least be initially awkward while typing. Attempting to ghost the motions this device would require while typing this gives me the impression that it would be a suitable mouse alternative, but I’m not sure exactly how beneficial it is for everyday use.

Still though if it’s functionally sound, the potential freedom it offers could be well worth the initial adjustment period. For a $79.00 minimum backing you can reserve one for when they ship later this year, and see for yourself if this Mycestro’s work is an earth shattering movement, or unfinished symphony.